Blinking when i want to stare forever

I am never doing what I want these days. I'm awake when I want to sleep, at home when I want to be far far away, standing still when I want to spin in circles, smiling with weary good humour when I want to punch you in the face. Shivering when I want to be composed. Falling apart when I want to be together, whispering when I want to shout, walking when I want to lie down and gasping when I want the easy breathing of a balmy summer evening. Running away when I want to savour. Listening when i want to talk and still dying a thousand deaths for your entertainment. Indulging when i want to sacrifice. Blinking when i want to stare forever.